👀 Alternative Politics

Namaste! It's that time of year again - festival season is in full swing with kwaati and everything, and Dashain/Tihar is just around the corner, knocking at our doors like a determined neighbor. Our beloved nation is buzzing with gossip and juicy rumors – it seems like there's not a single politician who hasn't found themselves entangled in some kaanda or the other. Football has made a roaring comeback, and we hope your fantasy teams are holding up strong against the competition. But, let's not forget, amidst all the excitement and festivities, we still need to put in the daily grind to earn our daily rice. So, folks, keep your focus sharp and those rice thaals full!

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Balen sir and RONB: It's been quite a week in the world of Balen sir and his trusty mouthpiece, Routine of Nepal Banda (RONB). Picture this: Balen sir, cruising in his government vehicle, gets flagged down by traffic police for a good 7-minute interrogation session. The result? Balen sir's fiery Facebook status threatening to turn Singha Durbar into ashes if it ever happens again.

But hold on to your hats, there's more! Rumor had it that Balen sir had a legit reason to be steaming, as his pregnant wife was in the car, and they were on their way to the hospital. To save face for our man Balen, RONB decided to break the news of his twins' birth, with a little creative editing thrown in.

Plot twist! It turns out, those twins were actually born nine days prior, and sadly, only one survived. Balen sir had every right to be upset, as his wife was battling post-birth complications. His Facebook status went off the rails, and social media had a field day critiquing it.

But wait, there's more drama! Balen sir hops on a plane to Sri Lanka to catch the Nepali team in action and conveniently deletes his controversial Facebook post. RONB, under the spotlight for the birth status shenanigans, found itself in hot water. With their history, fingers started pointing at RONB. And to add to the suspense, RONB's admin, the one and only Victor (aka Routiney), teased a bold decision before vanishing from all portals a few hours later.

You can't help but sympathize with Balen sir, a new dad going through the heartbreaking loss of a child. (Ok, maybe he could've dialed down the drama on that Facebook post.)

Now, about RONB – are they pulling a disappearing act or just cooking up a rebranding surprise? Love 'em or not, they sure made some noise during the last elections, giving a voice to those non-mainstream candidates. Will RONB launch a fancy broadsheet, or perhaps grace our ears with a sizzling podcast? And here's the kicker: could Victor himself venture into politics? Imagine a Nepali politician named Victor; that's got a cool ring to it!

We're all ears, so hop onto our Discord server and spill the beans on what you think about this wild ride.

Aru Chahalpahal: In the world of viral TikTok videos, there was quite the spectacle in Dharan recently. Rumor had it that folks were throwing a cow meat feast that got everyone's attention. Hindu groups were miffed, and they organized protests. Buses were even dispatched to Dharan, but our mayor, Harka sir (in case you forgot), had a different plan and declared a curfew. Then, the fact-checking brigade swooped in, revealing that it wasn't cow meat, but good ol' buffalo meat on the menu. But guess what? It still managed to ruffle some feathers. Now, here's the kicker: cow slaughter is illegal in Nepal, even though some groups have been chanting for its legalization, claiming they've been chomping on cow meat for eons.

Tech 

Balen sir: has made an exciting announcement for public schools in Kathmandu – Fridays are now "No Books Day"! Instead of hitting the books, kiddos will be diving into the world of coding. What a swell initiative!

Nepal's homegrown ride-hailing app, Tootle, is gearing up for a big rebranding launch tomorrow! It's about time we had a local player in the game, rather than foreign giants like Pathao and InDriver. Let's cross our fingers and hope Tootle continues to prioritize safety and affordability.

Fatafat

Stat: A recent report by the Air Quality Life Index (AQLI) has revealed some shocking news for Nepal's residents: polluted air is literally taking years off their lives. According to AQLI, the toxic air in Nepal is deadlier than tobacco use and high blood pressure, reducing life expectancy by around five years on average. The worst-hit areas, such as the mid and eastern Terai region, could gain back 6.5 years of life expectancy if air pollution met WHO guidelines, while residents in Kathmandu could add 3.5 years to their lives. Here’s a link to the report (link opens a pdf file, so don’t open it if you’re using data and need to save some mbs to facetime your significant other in a bit.)

Read: The Greatest Scam Ever Written (The Walrus)

Sports

Last week, the dreams of Nepali sports fans came true as our cricket team faced off against the giants, Pakistan and India. For many of us, growing up watching these two cricketing powerhouses was a big deal, so witnessing our own boys take on the world's best teams was nothing short of amazing. Though Nepal faced losses against Pakistan (by 238 runs) and India (by 10 wickets), they put up a commendable performance, highlighted by Asif Sheikh's impressive half-century against India. The fact that such a young team made it to this stage is an achievement in itself, and our pride knows no bounds.

However, the joy of this victory was clouded by the controversial decision of the Cricket Association to include Sandeep Lamichhane in the national team. Lamichhane is facing serious allegations, with demands for a 12-year prison sentence over allegations of raping a minor. He is accused of violating Sub-section (3) of Section 219 of Chapter 18 of the National Civil Code, 2074 BS. These allegations stem from a complaint filed against him on September 6th last year, and he was apprehended at Tribhuvan International Airport on October 6th, a month after an arrest warrant was issued.

Bidesh Tira Hernus

Trump baaje: Guess who's breaking the internet again? Yep, it's the one and only Donald Trump, but this time in a different spotlight. Former President Trump strutted his stuff at Atlanta's Fulton County Jail, taking the 'mug' in mug shot to a whole new level. After his close-up stare-down with the camera and a quick bail dash, he left a visual mark on history that even his Twitter feed couldn't resist sharing. And hold onto your hats, because it seems like everyone's joining the 'mug shot merch' game – Etsy sellers are cashing in on the ultimate bipartisan money-maker, while Trump's campaign turns his booking moment into a money-raising machine. This is Trump's first 'real' mug shot, and it looks like cameras are getting quite cozy with his legal journey down in Georgia. Stay tuned for more snapshots from the courtroom drama!

India is wilding (oh, they went to the moon too), as they consider changing their name to Bharat. However, it's worth noting that the very first page of their constitution already mentions Bharat as the country's name.

Meanwhile, across the border, Pakistan seems to be wilding as well.

Should we change our name too? What would be better than Nepal? Buddhaland? Momoland? Deshmandu? Let us know in our insta dms.

Proud Gorkhali Moment

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than “Oh, sorry, I just saw this!” text responses. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. In a plot twist that sounds straight out of a comedy caper, cyber-fraudsters Rajkumar and Umesh were caught napping on a mound of cash totaling 50 lakhs as cyber cops closed in. Apparently, their dreams of iPhone riches were interrupted by the reality of handcuffs and an unexpected early wake-up call!

2. In Siraha, Kamod Kumar Shah, masquerading as a police officer and equipped with a fake pistol and ambitious extortion plans, ended up in a humorous predicament when a genuine officer caught him red-handed.

3. Embarking on a cricket pilgrimage, four die-hard Nepali fans made their way to Sri Lanka for the India vs. Nepal match. In a comical twist of fate, they ended up at the Asgiriya Stadium instead of the Pallekele International Cricket Stadium, missing the game they traveled so far to see.

4. A devoted temple-goer wrote a check for a whopping 1,000,000 rupees as a generous donation. The punchline? When the eager priests rushed to cash it, they discovered that the devotee's account had a mere 17 rupees. Looks like someone attempted a heavenly donation but ended up with a divine bounce!

Eta Hernus Quiz

We've all heard about the current Kathmandu mayor forever, but do you know the other Kathmandu mayors from back in the day? If you can name all three of them, we're buying you some momo!

A request

If you’ve enjoyed the (short) journey with us thus far, please help us spread the word about this newsletter by asking your friends, dads, maijus, neighbors, and your fupajus to sign up by forwarding them this email! If this email was forwarded to you, please consider signing up using this link! We've also got a discord server, you can join us here.

(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The third one is a lie. Answer to Eta hernus Quiz: They’re Keshav Sthapit, Rajaram Shrestha, and Prem Lal Singh.)