👀 Balen dai goes to Paris

Namaste, people! You know what we've been thinking about this week? Why is it that in Nepal (and South Asia), we greet people by asking, "Have you eaten lunch?" I mean, no one greets you that way in the Americas, Australia, Europe, or most of Africa, right? Is it because we're foodies who really want to ensure our loved ones are fed? Or is it because of development trajectories and inequality that made food the most basic need, so we, as a community, needed to ensure everyone was fed, and the greeting stuck? Let us know in our Insta DMs. Onto less nonsensical stuff, here's some of the news from this week.

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Rabi dai, again!: Last week, the hip-hop universe channeled its inner "Real Housewives" with a twist of killer beats! Drake and Kendrick Lamar cranked up the soap opera vibes, slinging diss tracks like hot gossip and had everyone scrambling to catch every lyrical jab. Drake even threw in some futuristic beef, accusing Lamar of using AI to kick up dust with Tupac's estate—now that’s what we call extreme ghostwriting! It’s clear the old-school diss track is still slaying the charts and snagging streams, proving they're as classic as vintage Hatti Chhaap chappals yet still the weapon of choice for today’s rap battles.

Meanwhile, back home in Nepal, we're witnessing our own version of celebrity clashes. Rabi dai and Gagan dai are at it, stirring up the scene with political punches that could rival any rap battle.

How we got here: With the Congress party now lounging in the opposition (hint: they really need to up their negotiation game), they’re keeping Rabi dai’s infamous sahakari scandal in the headlines. Rabi dai, the Balotelli of Nepali politics, defiantly tosses a "Why always me?" into the mix, threatening to quit politics if proven guilty—prompting Gagan dai to retort he’d quit politics if Rabi’s innocent! Did we expect either to actually step down? Nah.

So Gagan dai and Nepali Congress stand up in parliament every time Rabi dai tries to speak, not giving him the opportunity. Rabi dai’s tired. He likes to talk. Imagine a dude who’s held a Guinness record for talking not getting to talk. He’s fuming.

What’s going on: The task force for forming a parliamentary investigation committee on the sahakari fraud case is still stuck in a deadlock. The big debate? Whether to include Deputy PM and Home Minister Rabi Lamichhane’s name in the investigation. Law Minister Padam Giri confirmed that while most issues were settled, Lamichhane’s inclusion remains a hot topic.

Rabi dai finally talks: On Sunday, Rabi dai talked. And he talked a lot. He went on and on and on. He accused Nepali Congress of offering him the prime minister’s position during the day and screwing him over at night. He called Gagan dai an American agent who sells our country’s secrets. Swarnim dai clapped (remember, Swarnim dai is Gagan dai’s ex who used to play ball with Congress but now is in RaSwaPa). It was like "Challengers," people! There’s a solid irony in the home minister going “Let us work!” but we feel you, Rabi dai, we feel you.

Zooming out: Rabi dai seems to have gotten the nods of Prachanda and K P Oli, with the latter actively supporting him in the media. Vocally. You’d think K P Oli was paid off by RaSwaPa if you just focused on politics last week. But this whole thing has turned into a blame game. Congress is going “Yo, sahakari scandal Rabi dai?” Also, “Giribandhu tea estate scandal, Oli?” Refresher: the Giribandhu tea estate scandal is yet another scandal where politicians took over government land, allegedly masterminded by Oli. Oli and Rabi dai are going “What about your scandals, Congress?” It’s a classic case of “You open your file, and I'll open mine!”

It's all looking the same, isn’t it? You don’t chill with the big boys, you don’t get included in politics. Alternative politics is starting to look like a myth, but we’ll take any new face we can get. Any semblance of alternative. Anyone, please. We speak for each and every one of us when we say, “Please stop.”

Mahabir vs Rudra: Well, boomer battles aren't a rare sight in our country. Sure, boomers are fighting everywhere, but I’m talking about the who's who of boomer showdowns. Remember the beef between Mahabir Pun and Rudra Pandey? If not, do your homework—we can't reintroduce every beef every time. As a beef consumer, you've got some responsibility, you know? So, they’ve been feuding. Mahabir accused Rudra of not paying the funds he collected for the National Innovation Center. Rudra finally paid up, saying, "Here’s the cash, I win!" But Mahabir shot back, "Dude, you shorted me, it’s not paid in full!" Rudra claims Mahabir isn't counting the 5% GoFundMe cut. Maybe Mahabir’s wrong, but it begs a bigger question: why are boomers fighting on social media? Successful business folks with awards, why are y'all doing this?

Tech 

AI stuff: Move over, ChatGPT-4, it’s ChatGPT-4o’s time to shine—now with turbocharged text, vision, and audio skills! Inspired by Sam Altman's fave flick Her, it even boasts a voice assistant feature. Dropping right before Google I/O, OpenAI clearly knows how to steal the AI spotlight.

Apple: Apple's in hot water after their latest iPad Pro commercial got roasted faster than a marshmallow at a bonfire. Picture this: Apple's bigwigs were probably patting themselves on the back, thinking they've hit a home run, but instead, they've sent the ball flying into left field and hit themselves in the face with it. Ouch! Tim Cook posted the new iPad Pro video on X. His tweet as of May 10th has been seen 58.3 million times, with over 18k comments - and the positive ones are like needle in a haystack to find. In a classic case of "oopsie-daisy," Apple's VP of marketing, Tor Myhren, stepped up to the mic and admitted they totally "missed the mark." Creativity might be in Apple's DNA, but it seems like they got a bit carried away with the whole "crush everything in sight" theme.

Celebs like Hugh Grant and Reed Morano didn't hold back either, with Grant calling it a "destruction of human experience" and Morano basically telling Tim Cook to check the room's vibe before pulling stunts like this. So, what's Apple's response to all this hullabaloo? Well, they're doing the classic PR dance, apologizing left and right, and probably brainstorming a new ad campaign faster than you can say "iPad Pro." Let's just hope the next one doesn't involve any hydraulic presses or we might have to start calling it the "iSmush."

Reading List

1. Inside the BJP’s WhatsApp machine (Shristi Jaswal, restofworld)

   An analysis of thousands of messages reveals how India’s ruling party uses the app to campaign free from public scrutiny.

2. What America’s Student Photojournalists Saw at the Campus Protests (Sanya Mansoor, TIME)

3. Sicily Sold Homes for One Euro. This Is What Happened Next. (Lisa Abend, AFAR)

   For more than a decade, Sicily has been trying to revive its villages by selling vacant houses. Writer Lisa Abend heads to the largest island in the Mediterranean to see how life has changed.

4. Modi operandi: The politicisation of Indian cricket (Sharda Ugra, Wisden)

   Writing in the 2024 edition of the Wisden Almanack, Sharda Ugra dissects the growing influence of Indian politics on Indian cricket.

5. A German Soccer Club Just Can’t Stop Winning. Its Owner Is Struggling Pharma Giant Bayer (Tim Loh, TIME)

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news headlines are real, and one is faker than Arsenal’s chances of winning a trophy this year. If you click on the headlines that are true, the links will take you to the news articles. If you click on the fake one, you'll be surprised!

1. स्वास्नी बोकेर दौडिने प्रतियोगितामा फक्ताङलुङका छत्रबहादुर कार्की पहिलो

2. सुनसरीमा बेहुलाले मापसे गरेको भेटिएपछि दुलही साइडले दुलाहा सट्टा दुलाहाको भाइ संग गर्दिए बिहे! 

3. राष्ट्रपति जाँदै नगएको युरोप भ्रमणमा ५५ लाख खर्च !

4. मदिरा सेवन गरेर आफ्नै घरमा आगो लगाउने सिंह पक्राउ !

Eta Hernus Quiz

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Best of Twitter/Switter

Kathmandu's own Balen Shah just made waves at the Cannes Film Festival! Rocking a stylish daura suruwal, he hit the red carpet for the premiere of Coppola's "Megalopolis" and even snagged a shoutout from Mayor David Lisnard. Shah wasn't flying solo either; he was joined by Kumar Vyanjankar and Sunil Lamsal, mixing cultural diplomacy with some serious business. Over his three-day Cannes adventure, Shah is set to mingle with global bigwigs, all while representing Nepal on the world stage.

Proud Gorkhali Moment

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