👀 Budha barz

Namaste! There have been a number of sentimental emails from NRN readers this week as Nepalis all across the world commemorate Saraswati Pooja. The longing to return to school assemblies and recite "Saraswati maya drista..." is at an all-time high. As a famous twite once said “Momo ko craving, chiso, and desh ko maya bhaneko ekai ho, Nepal huda ali ali huncha, bidesh gayepachi hwattai badne”. But we digress.

La eta hernus

There’s a lot happening in the national government: appointments, ministers dissatisfied over their allotted vehicles, and saamsads raising a plethora of issues in the parliament. This week, however, Balen's feud with Comedy Champions Nepal's producer Bishal Bhandari took over the internet. We found both sides' assaults and rebuttals to be unconvincing. After all, we are the Gorkhali Bulletin, and our standards are quite high. However, the topic at hand is Balen.

Dodging questions? Balen's interactions with the public have been much more one-sided than my Tinder chats. People have continued to raise questions but we’ve heard very little from the mayor in the last seven months of his tenure. And he’s mired in controversies. Last week, the Kathmandu Post published an indicting video about the rapper-turned-mayor and all the unfinished projects he has taken on. Solid waste management is in progress but isolating degradable garbage from the remainder isn’t entirely implemented. Infrastructure vehicles are yet to be sighted. The "Balen for us, us for Balen" movement to make more private bathrooms available to the public has fizzled out. Many think the local police cracking down on street vendors is very cruel and the mayor’s decision to ban all business on carts and bicycles was met with a lot of pushback. Tukucha, smoking prohibition, billboard campaign, eviction of squatters….you get the point.

Balen's supporters argue that he just hasn't been given enough time to finish the job. It’s not like the last mayor we had (we’ve already forgotten his name) did anything at all.

Looking forward: Jun rapper-turned-mayor aaye pani Kanye chireka? Or does he need more time? You tell us.

Tech

OpenAI said earlier this month that it was looking into commercializing its artificial intelligence chatbot ChatGPT by offering consumers the chance to sign up for beta access to "ChatGPT Professional." Currently, some individuals claim they have been granted access to the $42 monthly pro tier. There have been no announcements or confirmations from OpenAI that this is indeed official. It’s worth mentioning that the free version is working fine at the time of this writing. We asked the bot itself about this and they were kinda sus.

Forty-two bucks is a bit much for casual users but we could see businesses opting into using the bot for this price. Also keep in mind that Microsoft plans to integrate the bot into both Bing and its office suite, which has its own perks. Will people finally start using bing over google? Can you imagine that?

Looking forward: Although ChatGPT has gained traction among early adopters, it will face stiff competition in the not-too-distant future. This year will see an influx of new AI chatbots onto the market, with reports indicating that Google is in a mad dash to demo its own chat-enhanced search tool later in the year.

Kahi nabhako jaatra

In a shocking turn of events, a local football match in Waling, Syangja was interrupted by the unexpected landing of a helicopter on the field. The players and fans were left in shock as the helicopter, carrying a group of drunk tourists from Pokhara, made its dramatic entrance.

It gets better though. So, the locals, who were obviously pissed, beat up the pilot when he landed. Once the news made it to headlines everywhere, the locals then held a public ceremony to apologize to the pilot and held a “samman ceremony”.

I mean, what even?

Fatafat

Stat: Currently, the annual salary of the CEO of Kumari Bank is NRS 399,10,000. The average salary for a junior executive at Kumari Bank is NRS 360,000 per year. To put it another way, a junior executive at Kumari Bank would have to work for 110 years to earn the same amount as the CEO does in one.

Quote: “Prachanda was in a relationship with Madhesh, but he had a live-in relationship with Congress, and then he married someone else” - Janata Samaajwadi Party Sansaad Rajkishore Yaadav.

Yaadav was highlighting Prachanda’s flippant nature, which, I guess, makes sense? The analogy is as creative as creative gets though.

Watch: If you’re into satirical black comedies, go watch “Triangle of Sadness”. It's a hilariously sarcastic attack on the ultra-wealthy.

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than the titles of click-baity Nepali youtube videos. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. In an attempt to lure more folks into the theaters, a Nepali movie ran a campaign where one could get 50% off a full-body check-up at a local hospital if they showed the ticket of the movie.

2. A self-proclaimed Nepali scientist has claimed that he has developed a chemical that can bring the dead back to life, as long as their body parts are intact. He says he is trying to help doctors at Bir Hospital in Nepal with this discovery, but they are not interested in working with him.

3. Famous Nepali-American TikTok creator Aayush Pokharel (@umrikannepali) has announced that he will be transferring out of the University of Texas at Austin because the university has banned TikTok on their network. He has decided to transfer to a university where he can continue to make and share his content.

4. A school in Mahottari, Nepal has given a buffalo as a prize to a student who came first in their class. The school administrators have said that the prize is a way to encourage students to work harder and perform better in school. The student's family is reportedly thrilled with the prize.

Eta Hernus Quiz

Can you guess the district where this famous Nepali tourist spot is located?

A request

If you’ve enjoyed the (short) journey with us thus far, please help us spread the word about this newsletter by asking your friends, dads, maijus, neighbors, and your fupajus to sign up by forwarding them this email! If this email was forwarded to you, please consider signing up using this link! We've also got a discord server, you can join us here. (Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: Although we could see an Aayush doing that, the third one is a lie. Answer to Eta hernus Quiz: It's the Massachussettes of Nepal, Jhapa.)