👀 Chauchau Chaudhary

Namaste! We’ll start (shamelessly) with a pitch. If you're vibing with the scoops and chuckles we're serving up in this newsletter, consider fueling the fun by buying us chiya-puff! Your donations keep our spirits high and our puns sharp. Think of it as a high-five for your inbox, but with chiya.

Please also help us spread the word about this newsletter by asking your friends, dads, maijus, neighbors, and your fupajus to sign up by forwarding them this email! If this email was forwarded to you, please consider signing up using this link! We've also got a discord server, you can join us here.

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Chauchau Chaudhary: After last week's RsSwaPa drama, the Congressis have wheeled back into the limelight. You've heard of Binod Chaudhary, haven't you? Our very own Wai Wai mogul and Congressi politico? Well, his brother Arun got nabbed for a retro land swap—turning Bansbari Leather Company's land into Chaudhary Group turf. But here's the plot twist (pun totally intended): no “chakki peesing” for him. Instead, he's chilling with chiya at Chirayu Hospital, the same “correctional facility” that hosted Prithivi Malla's “hospital arrest”. With Binod being a Congressi bigwig and the Congress in power, this has stirred the pot more than a daadu in local kukhura ko jhol. Meanwhile, Home Minister Narayan Kaji, fresh from the Bhutanese refugee scam and sun kaanda crackdown, is herding everyone to jail. Word on the street is, Prachanda's daughter Ganga threw a tantrum at the police, demanding, “Malai nasodhi Arun Chaudhary lai kina arrest gareko?” Lots of egos, lots of influential people, lots of drama. What's your hot take? We reckon the Chaudharys' real crime is unleashing 'Wai Wai aaloo taama' on us.

Note: A quick shoutout to Deepa Dahal from Ukaalo News for the investigative legwork that led to this soap opera arrest—get all the juicy details there.

Raaja Aau Desh Bachaau: It's been a wild ride for the rajawadis too! King Gyanendra hinted that the political scene's hit a deadlock and is itching for a shake-up (in the past, he's even hinted at a royal comeback if we're feeling nostalgic). This ruffled some political feathers big time. Prachanda threw some shade with "purwaraja badi bole," hinting at a fresh dive into the royal massacre mystery. Cue the drama! K.P. Oli's like, "Y’all actually believe Dipendra did it? Please." Did they read our last edition? Very suspicious and too weird to be a coinkydink, don’t you think?

Enter Manisha Koirala, our very own Nepali Bollywood starlet, who's been schooling us on fighting the power in flicks like Dil Se and 1942: A Love Story. Yep, she's a rajawadi at heart. Her grandad, BP Koirala, would be doing somersaults in his grave if he knew. But hey, no pressure to march to the beat of your ancestors' damaru. Anyhow, Manisha's chat with Himani Shah had rajawadis buzzing non-stop on social media, even though the biggest takeaway was how many times Manisha called Himani "sarkaar."

And there's more rajawadi drama brewing! Rajendra Lingden and Rabindra Mishra can't seem to see eye to eye on RaPraPa's future, slinging some serious shade. Lingden quipped about Mishra's lack of direction, poking fun at his stints with Bibeksheel and Sajha parties. What's next in this rajawadi rumble? Could Manisha didi play peacekeeper? Hit us up with your hot takes on Twitter.

Mero Bauko BisLakh Sakkiyo: So, there's some medical drama unfolding in America (or for those eyeing a move to the States). The USMLE turned sleuth and caught wind of a suspiciously brilliant group of Nepali test-takers nailing their exams as if they had the answers hidden in their pajamas. Rumor has it, these wiz kids might've gotten an early peek at the questions, sparking rumors of a high-stakes scandal that's got platforms like Telegram buzzing more than Shreya’s phone on Valentine’s day. The whole situation is rife with speculation, and the full story is still a bit hazy. Check out this Twitter thread for a possible breakdown of events, and here's a deeper dive from Medscape (thanks to Off The Record for these links).

Back in Nepal, a staggering 44 percent of aspiring doctors, clutching their MBBS and BDS degrees, fell short in the quest to secure their licenses from the Nepal Medical Council. The reality is tough – only 1,146 out of the 2,028 courageous candidates who took on the licensing exams passed. With doctors racking up more exam attempts than there are seasons of your favorite Netflix series, the pressure is immense. After all, we all hope our healthcare saga turns out more like a triumph than a suspense-filled thriller!

Tech 

Another Apple product: Techies and their coffee-fueled sidekicks were time-traveling to 2007 last week, queuing up outside Apple Stores like it's the dawn of the smartphone era again, all for the shiny new Vision Pro. It's the tech world's latest attempt at a wardrobe revolution, promising an "iPhone moment" for your face, for the cool price of $3.5k and the fashion statement of post-eye-exam chic. Apple's betting big on making us all look like Tony Stark in full virtual tinkering mode, aiming to transform these headsets from gamer gear to the next big thing in work-meets-play. While some have had near-spiritual revelations with it, others can't get over the clunky virtual keyboard and the solo-play vibe. Will the Vision Pro have us all ditching our quaint 2D gadgets, or is it just another heavyweight contender in the tech ring? Here’s some kneejerk responses to the product:

Fatafat

Stat: Check out this sizzling trend graph with more curves than the road from Thankot to Mugling! It seems young lasses worldwide are leaning left like they're pioneering a new political 'Lean Back,' while the lads are steadfast in their conservative stronghold. Could Rabindra Mishra be the choreographer behind this dance? Anyway, it's a global ideological tango filled with more tension than a family feud over the remote control.

Quote: "I only studied up to the 12th grade, and then got married." (Himani Shah)

We have no take on this quote. The intern who picked this as the quote of the week has been fired.

Read: Inside the Crime Rings Trafficking Sand (Scientific American)

Organized crime is mining sand from rivers and coasts to feed demand worldwide, ruining ecosystems and communities. Can it be stopped?

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Sports

Samba!: Guess who's trading momos for croissants? Our very own football queen, Sabitra "Samba" Bhandari, is kicking it up a notch by joining the French elite club, En Avant Guingamp! After acing her medical, Samba's set to add some spicy moves to the European league, proving yet again that where there's a will, there's a way.

Kirket: Nepal's ICC U-19 Cricket World Cup journey ended on a bittersweet note with a 132-run drubbing by the reigning champs, India, at the Mangaung Oval fashion show in Bloemfontein. Despite a spirited start, Nepal's batting lineup crumbled under the weight of India's hefty 298-run target, clocking in at a modest 165-9. This final act in the Super Six saga saw Nepal's cricketing dreams dashed yet again, despite a valiant leap into the Super Six off a thrilling victory against Afghanistan. Meanwhile, India sashayed into the semi-finals, eyeing their sixth U-19 crown with the grace of seasoned runway pros.

Three news headlines and a lie

Three of these news headlines are real, and one is faker than bigwigs haru ko health problems when they get arrested. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. Colorado's Arpan Dahal Makes History as First Nepali to Own Apple's Vision Pro, Grabs the Spotlight in Routine of Nepal Banda!

2. “Gold Medalist” Deputy Secretary caught in corruption: 1 year imprisonment, 600,000 rupees fine.

3. Pokhara's Wada Adakshya Creates Social Media Buzz with Unconventional Plan: Trees on the Chopping Block to Tackle Monkey Menace!

4. 40-Year-Old Farmer Nabbed with Pistol and Bullet in Sunsari; Police Unearth Details of Buffalo Theft.

Worst of Twitter/Switter

Bidesh Tira Hernus

Nepali le chance paayo bhane garcha: Harry Bhandari is throwing his hat into the political ring, vying for Congress in MD-02, USA. From pumping gas to rocking the title of State Delegate, Harry's on a mission to give back to the good ol' U.S. of A.

Indian Bijaya Shahi: Hold the obits, folks! Poonam Pandey just pulled the ultimate plot twist in Insta-history. Declared dead by her own team to spotlight cervical cancer, she popped up a day later with a "Just kidding!" and a heartfelt "My bad!" for the collective heart attack. With a fresh website in tow and a mission to chat about cervical cancer, Poonam's turning her shock-and-awe moment into a teachable one, though not everyone's applauding her method acting. So, if you thought her film debuts were drama-packed, welcome to Poonam’s masterclass in buzz-making for a cause.

poonampandeyreal

View more on Instagram

Spy parewa: In a feathery fiasco that's ruffled more than just wings, a pigeon with a taste for international intrigue was nabbed near Mumbai's ports, sparking whispers of espionage with its trendy leg bling inscribed in what appeared to be Chinese. This sky-high secret agent was cooped up for eight months as detectives pondered its potential for pigeon post espionage, but alas, it was just a Taiwanese racing bird that took a wrong turn on its flight path. After a stint at the avian Alcatraz, our winged wanderer has been given the all-clear and released back into the wild, leaving us to ponder the real mystery: just how many frequent flyer miles did it rack up?

Rich people stuff: In the latest episode of "Fashion Faux Pas Meets Political Drama," a $2,250 Dior handbag has South Korean politics spinning faster than a catwalk turn, just as the legislative elections catwalk looms. The First Lady, Kim Keon Hee, got caught in a designer web, snagging a luxe bag and some Chanel swag from a pastor with a hidden camera agenda, courtesy of a spicy sting by Voice of Seoul. Now, with over half of South Korea calling for an apology, President Yoon Suk Yeol's party might just find their political runway a bit more treacherous.

Eta Hernus Quiz

पोखराबाट एउटा बसमा १० ओटा बोका राखेर काठमाडौं लादै रहेछ, मुग्लिंग्मा पुग्दा २ ओटा खसिहालेछ । अब भन्नुस बसमा कति ओटा बोका छ ?

Together with DilKumari Essentials

The most annoying "holiday" (read: capitalist scheme by Hallmark to sell more cards) has arrived. Feeling the love but clueless about gifts? Fear not, Dilkumari Essentials, brought to you by the powerhouse girlboss duo Swarna and Prerna, is your savior with its quirky, heartfelt offerings. Here are three etahernus-approved goodies that will make them scream "Yes!" when you ask them “I love you, yes ki no?”

• Tantalizing Tirimiri Schezuan Sauce: The name should be enough but if you need more info, you can spice up your love life (and your dinner) with this saucy little number. Perfect for the foodie in your life who appreciates a fiery kick to their palate.

• Chic Copper Mugs: Got a partner who fancies themselves a mixologist (we hate this term too)? These mugs aren't just for Moscow Mules; they're a ticket to sophistication and endless Instagrammable moments. Cheers to love and great cocktails!

• Miraculous Dilkumari Hair Oil: Because nothing says "I adore you" like the gift of luscious locks. Great for hair growth and combating hair loss, it's a thoughtful nudge to pamper themselves. And hey, if you're riding solo this V-Day, your scalp or your dad’s scalp or your uncle’s scalp will thank you!

No Valentine? No problem! Show some love to your parents, your pals, or even your pet (okay, maybe not the sauce for Bruno). Every purchase supports a local, woman-owned biz that's all about spreading love, one product at a time.

So, hajoor kata? Uhi bajyai ko recipe wala DilKumari Essentials eta! Make this Valentine's Day unforgettable with Dilkumari Essentials. Because nothing says "Timi mero true ho yaar" like schezuan sauce and shiny hair.

Eta Pani Hernus

Exodus: There's a growing squad of Nepalis in the Russian army, with over 200 officially signed up and many more playing hide and seek with their tourist visas. Back on home turf, the job scene's so dire that South Korea's shipyards are the new muglaan, until they're not, sparking protests and a political firestorm. And as Nepal grapples with this exodus, the world stage beckons its sons and daughters, from Aussie classrooms to American dreams, making the 'Global Nepali' more than just a hashtag. So as we dive into this saga of adventure, hope, and heartbreak, remember, it's all in a day's work for our intrepid Nepali wanderers.

Oli ba, again! Get ready for some reel politics! K P Oli is swapping the podium for the silver screen, making his acting debut as a prime minister in the upcoming blockbuster "Nametine Ghau." Aba Prachanda ra Sher Bahadur le irl huna diyenan, Oliba film ma pradhaan mantri hune bhaye. But wait, there's more political star power – Dharan Mayor Harka Sampang is also stepping into the movie scene. Aru desh ma actors politicians hunchan, Nepal ma sabai trend jastai yo ni opposite.

Answers

(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The first one is a lie. Answer to Eta hernus Quiz: 10 ota, duh)

Our newsletter includes images from online platforms for illustrative purposes only, with no implied ownership or endorsement.