👀 Daamadol cha

Author

Eta Hernus
December 15, 2023

Namaste! Development metrics can be as puzzling as a crossword with no clues. Case in point: mumfali vendors upgrading from oranges to strawberries. We're Team Orange all the way, but are “fancier” strawberries the secret to national prosperity?And speaking of mysteries, why are there perpetual elections in the U.S.? Is it a national sport we're not aware of?

Before we dive into these deep thoughts, let's address the elephant in the room – we ghosted you last week. To the thousand (yes, we're counting) of you, our sincerest apologies! Now, onto pressing matters: Why is "rizz" the word of the year, and Taylor Swift, the Person of the Year? Join us in unraveling these enigmas this Saturday morning – bihana ko paanch bajeko cha, aba Eta Hernus baata samaachaar sunnus!

La Eta Hernus

Desh

COP Aftermath Buzz: Prime Minister Prachanda, fresh from the COP in Dubai, is back urging Kathmandu University to dive deeper into climate change. However, the real buzz is around his granddaughter's engagement, making headlines not for love but for its extravagant affair. Adding a dash of irony, another granddaughter is under scrutiny for flaunting a Prada bag worth hundreds of dollars, sparking debates about communist leaders and conspicuous consumption. It seems the climate talk in town isn't the only thing heating up!

Love Knots, Paychecks: Love is in the air, and so is the scent of unpaid salaries at Kantipur Publications! Former Miss Nepal, Shrinkhala Khatiwoda, just tied the knot with Sambhav Sirohiya, the MD. While they're busy with the "happily ever after," Kantipur workers are stuck in the "waiting for a paycheck" saga.

The Grinch who Stole Plastic Christmas: Balen sir, our very own holiday sheriff, has just declared war on plastic Christmas trees post the Surti Churot episode. Looks like the Grinch is doubling down on his anti-festive antics. Time to dust off those old-school pine cones and get creative – ‘tis the season to outsmart the tree ban. Lame Christmas jokes aside, the plastic ban is a great thing—kudos to Balen sir.

Another Khand: Former home minister Bal Krishna Khand is set to break free from the legal clutches after Patan High Court overruled a previous decision, stating the evidence doesn't firmly link him to the fake Bhutanese refugee scam. Khand, facing accusations, can secure his release by paying a bail amount of Rs 3 million. The court's reasoning includes the denial of financial involvement by a prime accused and the absence of Khand's name in pertinent documents. While the legal saga continues, Khand's impending release sparks more curiosity than a season finale cliffhanger. K ho yo desh ko kaanun, hait.

Punchy Politics: Oli's Close Call: Looks like someone had a bone to pick with CPN-UML Chairman KP Sharma Oli in Dhankuta! Mahesh Rai of Leguwa tried to throw a punch at the former Prime Minister while he was en route from Bhojpur. Luckily, Oli's bodyguard and party crew were quick on the draw, saving the day. It seems the Madhyapahadi Lokmarga-centered Sankalpa Yatra got a bit more action-packed than expected! Ris uthyo bhandai ma sidhai punch hanne hoina ni.

Best of Twitter/Switter

Tech 

Tesla's Software Soiree: Tesla hit the brakes on 2 million vehicles in the US, practically summoning an electric army back for a software pep talk. The recall, more of a digital nudge than a mechanical overhaul, follows a deep dive by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration into Autopilot-related crashes. Tesla's fix? Adding more flashing lights to remind drivers it's not a futuristic joyride—just in case 'Autopilot' misled anyone into thinking it's a backseat party trick. Critics argue it's like putting glitter on a pothole, as serious safety concerns linger, especially in Autopilot's knack for playing hide-and-seek with emergency vehicles. Buckle up for a high-tech recall, where the roads are paved with caution and software updates are the new pit stops!

(Looks like Sandeep Reddy Vanga isn’t the only one making money off of single dudes.) 

Elon's X-periment: In a wild turn of events, Elon Musk put the fate of Alex Jones' X account to a public vote on the platform, with 70% saying 'yes' to reinstating the conspiracy theorist. Jones, known for spreading false claims about the Sandy Hook shooting, owes over $1 billion to the victims' families. As X CEO Linda Yaccarino grapples with ad controversies, Musk's move adds more spice to the mix, complete with a bold message to advertisers. It's a saga of Musk, Jones, and X antics!

Google's Gemini: Move over GPT-3, Google's Gemini has entered the AI arena, promising to revolutionize how we interact with technology. With Gemini Nano for mobile devices, Gemini Pro for complex tasks, and Gemini Ultra for data centers, Google aims to outshine OpenAI. While Google claims Gemini's prowess, critics note the margin is narrow. The AI race just got spicier—will Gemini live up to the hype or will OpenAI keep its lead? AI le sabthok banauna milcha bhanchan, yo desh banauna mildaina?

Fatafat

Stat: Approximately 200 Nepali citizens have enlisted in the Russian forces for the war against Ukraine. It seems our youth are going the extra mile for some rubles and, who knows, perhaps a shot at Russian citizenship. The lengths people go to leave Nepal, huh?

2023 is ending as the most scandal-ridden year in recent Nepali history. The list of graft, malfeasance, smuggling, bribery, kickbacks is too long.

A Haitian boy arrived on Florida’s maritime border. His next five days detained at sea illuminate the crisis facing children traveling to the U.S. alone and the crews forced to send them back.

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Three news headlines and a lie

Three of these news headlines are real, and one is faker than a Syangjali appearing earnest. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

  1. Bus Thief from Pokhara Takes Joyride to Chitwan, Lands in Jail!

  2. Nepali Journalist Takes 'Lost in Dubai' to a Whole New Level: Ditches COP for Job Hunt!

  3. Nepalis' Casino Caper Foiled as Fake Indian Aadhaar Card Lands Them Behind Bars!

  4. Nepali Embassy in DC Unleashes Time Warp: Passport Applicants Advised to Set Clocks to Nepali timezone before applying for passports!

Eta Hernus Quiz

Fill in the blanks, what is the item this memo is talking about?

Bidesh Tira Hernus

COP28 Finale: Climate change talks in Dubai (COP28) are wrapping up with all the drama of a season finale. Imagine a global blockbuster where the script forgot to mention the crucial fossil fuel phase-out, leaving delegates and climate leaders angrier than fans after the last episode of Game of Thrones. The new draft suggests strategies nations 'could' use to 'reduce' emissions, earning it the thumbs down from the EU, US, and even Al Gore, who called it a potential flop. Rumor has it, the plot twist was orchestrated by oil-producing nations, making COP28 the unexpected dark horse in climate negotiations. Will there be a last-minute rewrite, or is this climate blockbuster heading for a cliffhanger ending?

Penn's Presidential Drama: The University of Pennsylvania is experiencing a presidential exit, with Liz Magill resigning amid criticism for not taking a firm stance against advocating the genocide of Jews. Scott Bok, chairman of the board of trustees, also stepped down. Donors revolted, accusing Penn of allowing unchecked antisemitism, even risking a $100 million donation. Meanwhile, the other criticized university presidents, Claudine Gay and Sally Kornbluth, are holding steady at Harvard and MIT. Campus drama at its finest!

Taylor Swift Tops Time's 2023 Person of the Year with Billion-Dollar Tour and AMC Record: Taylor Swift takes the crown as Time magazine's 2023 Person of the Year, and it's not just because they're hoping for an exclusive Eras Tour popcorn bucket. Swift's impact is no joke—she earned kudos from the Fed for giving the economy a boost with a surge in hotel bookings during her concerts. The Eras Tour is on track to shatter records, crossing the billion-dollar mark, and AMC experienced a blockbuster day with over $26 million in advance ticket sales for the concert movie. Even when she's not singing, Swift managed to score an 8% boost in Sunday Night Football viewership by showing up to support her new flame, Travis Kelce, at the Chiefs vs. Bears game. Picture a dinner party with Swift, Ukrainian President Zelensky, and Elon Musk—now that's a guest list!

Eta Pani Hernus

Nepal's Telecom Drama: Hold onto your cellphones, because Ncell, Nepal's telecom sensation, just kicked off a wild telecom drama! Axiata, the big boss of Ncell, hit the exit button on December 1, passing the torch to Spectrlite UK Limited, led by the mysterious Satish Lal Acharya living the high life in Singapore. The government smelled something fishy and hit the investigation switch. Axiata's excuse? Blaming Nepal's telecom troubles, they're jetting out due to an unfriendly vibe, confusing rules, and the mobile license's looming expiration in 2029. As Axiata spills the tea on Ncell's tax adventures, revealing billions spent on capital gains tax, NTA, Nepal's telecom watchdog, raises an eyebrow – seems they missed the invite. In a twist, Ncell is doing the paperwork daamadol for NTA's approval, while Nepal's laws and rules are tangled in a confusing dance. Axiata spills more beans on the deal's terms, throwing in a fixed $50 million and a side of conditional consideration with a mysterious clause tied to Ncell's 2029 performance. Now, the ownership hot potato – many suspect an NRN twist to dodge Ncell becoming the government's asset in 2029. But officials say it's still a foreign investment in a UK-based disguise. It's a telecom rollercoaster with plot twists, legal turns, and political spins. Will Ncell find its happily ever after, or is this the end of Axiata's Nepali adventure? Stay tuned for more in this telecom drama!

Nepali Congress Reunion: Nepali Congress leaders Gagan Thapa and Shekhar Koirala, like a long-lost rom-com duo, reunited on the political stage after a prolonged separation. Speculations arose when Koirala and Thapa, initially presumed to be a dynamic duo against the party's leader Deuba, saw their camaraderie fade. The recent rendezvous involved some behind-the-scenes matchmaking by senior leader Arjun Narsingh KC, aiming to reignite their political spark. While the duo declared unity against Deuba, whispers of differences still echoed in the political air, adding a dash of suspense to the saga.

Lalitpur Showdown: Looks like Iih, the unstoppable local activist, has changed the stage and is now bringing his protest power to Lalitpur. In a dramatic showdown reminiscent of a blockbuster, a scuffle erupted between Iih and the locals as he protested the ban on street vending. The plan was a 108-minute stand-in protest, but the locals had a different script, displaying banners in favor of the ban. It seems Iih's protest saga continues, and this time, Lalitpur is the unexpected setting for this street-level drama.

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The second one is a lie. Answer to Eta hernus Quiz: See below.)