👀 The government bans everything

Namaste! December just sauntered in like it owns the place, and we're scratching our heads, wondering where 2023 disappeared to (we'll stop reminding you of your failed accomplishments every time there's a big event, we promise). Meanwhile, Spotify Wrapped has descended, and everyone's flaunting their musical tastes for that sweet social media clout. Speaking of tunes, Arijit Singh hit us with some notes last week, and despite tickets costing more than a small kingdom (raaja aau desh bachaau), it seems like the hype was real. We hope some of you found love during the concert because who needs dating apps when you've got old-school serenades, right? Especially since the government's plotting a Tinder ban. Buckle up because it's time for another round of 'wtf is going on in this country' – grab your makai, folks!

La Eta Hernus

Desh

• So, the Durga Prasai rally from last week is like that song stuck in your head that just won't quit (congratulations, you how have chaalish katesi ramaaula stuck in your head) – still going strong with 'Raaja Aau Desh Bachaau' chants, even though the whole vibe seems to be losing steam. Readers have been sliding into our DMs, hungry for more info on Prasai, but we're feeling like detectives with a shortage of clues. We might not have a full-blown biography on him, but hey, if you're curious, check out this video from The Nepali Comment.

• Kathmandu's got a new rule on the block, and it's smoking hot – literally! The Kathmandu Metropolitan City is bringing the ban hammer down on tobacco products in all 32 wards from December 13. Health Department Chief Ram Prasad Poudel said, 'No more puffing with plastic-wrapped packs,' as cigarettes, beedis, and even the notorious paan parag are getting the boot. KMC Police are on a mission to make Kathmandu the healthiest city, so if you're caught with a sneaky smoke, consider it seized – because nothing ruins a healthy city vibe like a cloud of smoke and a plastic-packed puff! Well, not exactly, because our pollution levels are still the best in the world. Moreover, I’m sure y’all zoomers will find a way to vape against the ban. All the gutkha lovers, DM us on Insta, and we will meet you on the Bagmati bridge to supply you contraband.

• Political parties in Rukum and Jajarkot are turning earthquake relief into a home-building showdown, treating it like a construction-themed reality show. A local newspaper listed each party's temporary home contributions, and we stumbled upon the drama on their Facebook page. Talk about a competition you never knew you signed up for – earthquake relief, now with a side of political one-upmanship. What a wild party this turned out to be!

• Comedian Apoorwa Kshitiz Singh is facing a Rs 10,000 fine for his stand-up antics that rubbed the wrong way under Section 165 of the National Penal Code. The Kathmandu District Court delivered the verdict, deeming Singh guilty of poking fun at social rites and rituals, with a side of promoting untouchability thrown in for good measure. While Singh ponders an appeal, his case raises questions about the punchlines of freedom of expression in the comedy scene – will the courtroom become the new comedy club, or is this just a case of the law not getting the joke?

• Axiata Group, Ncell's parent company, is hitting the exit button, citing a rocky relationship with Nepal's business scene. In a classic 'It's not you, it's me' move, Axiata is putting Ncell up for sale, leaving us to wonder if the telecom world just got a little less complicated or a lot more interesting.

• There's a whole bunch of other news that you should probably know, though not knowing isn't going to affect you all that much. Swarnim Wagle is now the vice-president of RaSwaPa (Rabi dai's party). This probably means he's even more important in the party, but we already thought he was pretty significant, so there's that. Shrinkhala is tying the knot with her boo Sambhav Sirohiya, the MD of Kantipur publications. Good for the lovebirds, I guess, but I am excited to see the memes that will pop up, contrasting an extravagant celebration with the Kantipur publications employees' strike, as they still haven't gotten their pay. Baburam Bhattarai has rejoined the Maoists, and for those asking 'when did he leave?', you haven't missed much.

  

Tech 

There’s no tech news because there’s no apps left. The prime minister's tech guru spilled the beans to BBC Nepal, revealing that after giving TikTok the boot, they're eyeing an app exodus. Get ready to say 'adios' to Snapchat, Telegram, Bigo Live (seriously, wtf is this app?), and Tinder – because swiping right might soon be a government violation! Insert expletives here, we’re tired.

Fatafat

Stat: Love is in the air, but apparently, it's taking detours in Nepal! The latest report spills the tea – the number of single women has skyrocketed from 1.5% in 2011 to a whopping 7.3% in 2021. From divorces to mismatched marriages, it's a dating scene more complex than decoding a TikTok dance routine. Send this stat to your single dude friend and ask them why they’re still flying solo despite the ratio acting massively in their favor.

Watch: The Genius of Dutch Money

Warning: Video is interesting and informative and overall tame but dude says the F-word in the video.

Read (Desh): Nepali women flee abuse for overseas work

Foreign employment gives survivors of domestic violence an escape route to independence and dignity. (By Sujata Dhungana, Nepali Times)

Read (Bidesh): Sports Illustrated Published Articles by Fake, AI-Generated Writers

We asked them about it — and they deleted everything. (Futurism)

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than facebook messenger ma bihe ko card ko photo khichera pathaaine wedding invites. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. Journalist Ganesh Prasad Shah is putting the 'fast' in 'fast-track education' after his son failed his class 9 exams. Ganesh is on a hunger strike until his son's paper gets a second look, claiming that some dude with a vendetta pulled a 15-minute switcheroo on the answers. Move over, langur burja; we've got exam heists in Siraha, making fasting the new cool parent power move!

2. What began as a casual request for a smoke at a wedding turned into a showdown hotter than a dohori restaurant dance floor! When one guy received a firm 'no' to a cigarette, he didn't just light up – he sparked a squabble that brought in his entourage. Sadly, in the ultimate plot twist, the refusal to share a cig led to a showdown so intense that it ended in the death of the person who declined.

3. The dean of Chitwan Medical College is facing scrutiny after allegedly using his influence to jump the queue and secure admission for his niece to the maternity ward. This move bypassed four other expecting mothers patiently waiting in line, sparking controversy and raising questions about fairness in the admission process.

4. In the ultimate cook-off gone wrong, a husband and wife's spat took a tragic turn. When the husband threw the first punch, little did he know the wife had a secret weapon – a dekchi fresh from cooking dhindo. The kitchen clash ended in a plot twist as hot as the dhido itself, resulting in the husband's death.

Best of Twitter/Switter

Bidesh Tira Hernus

• 41 workers rescued from the Silkyara tunnel in India after a 17-day ordeal! But guess what stole the spotlight? Three newspapers printed an AI-generated photo of the rescue operation, with Hindustan Times, The New Indian Express, and Loksatta giving credit to PTI for the mind-boggling pic.

• Berkshire Hathaway's investing maestro and Warren Buffett's right-hand man, Charlie Munger, passed away in a California hospital on Tuesday, leaving behind a legacy of rockstar investment strategies. Alongside Buffett, Munger turned Berkshire into an investment powerhouse, achieving 20.1% annual gains, double the S&P 500 rate, and amassing a net worth of $2.5 billion. Buffett acknowledged Munger's pivotal role, stating, 'Berkshire Hathaway could not have been built to its present status without Charlie’s inspiration, wisdom, and participation.’

• Billionaire Charles Koch is playing presidential matchmaker, swiping right on former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley for 2024 and leaving Florida Governor Ron DeSantis in the political friend zone. Koch's network, Americans for Prosperity Action, is backing Haley with a $70 million political race fund, dealing a blow to DeSantis' Trump-alternative dreams. Looks like the political dating game just got a lot more interesting – move over, roses; it's all about campaign dollars and endorsements now!

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The third one is a lie.)