👀 Mid-year crisis

And other optimistic things

Author

Eta Hernus
June 13, 2023

Namaste! Can you believe it? We've reached the mid-year mark, and those "holy sh*t, it's 6 months from 2023 gone already" vibes are sneaking up on us. But fear not, my friends! Just like Taylor Swift's dating life and Manchester United fans’ daily lives, we shall persevere with resilience. And guess what? We've got a heaping dose of fantastic news from our incredible nation to lift your spirits and make you feel slightly less sh*tty. So buckle up, because optimism is the name of the game, and we're about to dive into some truly amazing updates!

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Murrraaaaaaa: Prime Minister Prachanda recently took a trip to India, and boy, did he make an entrance! Picture this: he rolls up with an entourage of nearly 100 people. I mean, seriously, what were they all up to? We can only imagine! But here's the kicker: Prachanda was welcomed with a dance performance by a group of 6-7 ladies. And let's just say, it wasn't exactly a showstopper. Twitterati went wild, claiming even the chief guests at school annual days get better welcomes. Now, we're not exactly sure what Prachanda was up to during his visit, apart from rubbing shoulders with some important folks. Some of us were hoping he'd score some sweet energy deals with India. Others had their fingers crossed for a little chat with Modi about that infamous "Akhanda Bharat" map. You know, the one where Nepal mysteriously lost some land. Yeah, Nepalis are still mad about that! But wait, here comes the twist: Prachanda's trip will forever be known for one thing—murra buffaloes! Hold on to your horns, people. India is generously gifting us 15 murra bulls, aka rangos, to inseminate a whopping hundred thousand buffaloes in Nepal. I kid you not! MP Shishir Khanal even claimed in parliament that Prachanda rode those buffaloes back from India. Now, that's a sight we'd pay to see!

Shady biz: Nepal Airlines' purchase of two Airbus jets for a whopping $216.38 million in 2017 is turning heads. An investigation has unveiled a cast of characters from Moldova, Portugal, and Germany, along with shady offshore companies, involved in the sale. Questions about the procurement process and offshore corporate structures have been raised. To add to the drama, Nepal's biggest pension funds loaned Rs 24 billion for the purchase, but they're not receiving regular repayments. The airline reportedly suffered a loss of $40 million, with allegations of corruption surfacing against former and current government officials and the airline's managing director. With the involvement of German Aviation Capital, Hi Fly Transportes Aereos, and AAR Corp, known for their controversial pasts, this scandalous jet deal continues to unravel. Despite all this drama, no one seems to be facing any charges, and the investigation is moving slower than a snail on a leisurely stroll.

More shady biz: An investigation by the Internal Revenue Department has uncovered around 1,500 firms, including 42 major taxpayers, involved in fraudulent value-added tax (VAT) bills worth a staggering 10 billion Nepalese rupees. It seems counterfeit VAT bills totaling 9 billion 93 million 90 thousand rupees were floating around, raising serious questions about tax evasion. The culprits, who inflated expenses and manipulated credit claims, now face potential fines and imprisonment under the watchful eyes of the department.

And we wonder why Everyone seems to be leaving the country. Cept for Bijaya Shahi, of course. What kind of a country do we live in where that dude is still a celebrity?

Tech 

  • "One More Thing" refers to a practice initiated by Steve Jobs in 1999, where he saved significant announcements for the end of his presentations. At the Apple Worldwide Developer Conference (WWDC) 2023, several keynote announcements were made, highlighting improvements to iOS, iPadOS, watchOS, and macOS. In an exciting "One More Thing" moment, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the Vision Pro headset as a brand new product. Here is the announcement video, clocking in at just under 6 minutes if you're interested.

    For years, there have been rumors surrounding Apple's foray into augmented reality/virtual reality (AR/VR), and now, the Vision Pro headset has finally arrived. This hardware launch marks a significant milestone, as it's the first major release in nearly a decade since the original Apple Watch. It's worth noting that the Vision Pro is not the highly anticipated Apple-branded smart glasses, which will be focused solely on AR and likely resemble regular eyeglasses. Instead, the Vision Pro is a VR headset set to compete with the Meta Quest 3 and PlayStation VR2, featuring a similar design with a broad visor and full head strap.

    Apple aims to revolutionize workspaces by offering users a virtual environment where an infinite number of screens appear within their field of view. Users can effortlessly navigate through these screens using only their eyes, hands, and voice, eliminating the need for clunky controllers.

    During the presentation, it was revealed that the Vision Pro headset boasts an impressively large virtual screen, thanks to lenses with a pixel density higher than that of a 4K TV for each eye.

    Set to launch in 2024, the Vision Pro will have a starting price of $3,499. Yes, you read that correctly. In Apple's defense, at least they're giving us ample time to save up!

    Here are some of the reactions from the internet on Vision Pro (all tweets): 1 2 3 4 5

  • Looking to procrastinate on Reddit this week? Think again! Thousands of subreddits are going dark to protest the company's recent API updates. Over 3,500 subreddits, including popular ones like r/gaming and r/aww, were inaccessible on Monday this week and possibly longer. The uproar stems from Reddit's decision to charge for API access, which has left third-party developers, the heroes behind the apps we love, unable to afford it. It seems like Reddit's pursuit of profits might be costing them the trust of their most dedicated users.

Fatafat

Quote: “Why did the government increase taxes on electric vehicles that cost 40 lakhs and are used by middle-class folks like me?” - MP Rai.
MP Rai seems to have a very different definition of middle-class folks, so this statement has obviously caused a stir.

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Proud Nepali Moment

We've got some map madness brewing! India decided to throw Nepal for a loop by slapping our land onto their "Akhanda Bhaarat" map. And boy, did it ruffle our Himalayan feathers! We were hoping Prachanda would give Modi a friendly shout of "Yo mate, this ain't chill!" during his India trip. But alas, Prachanda was too busy rocking a lungi and performing godly rituals. Just when we thought all hope was lost, our hero Balen sir stepped up to the plate! He proudly displayed a "Greater Nepal" map in his office, staking our claim on parts of India.

The map, brought to us by the Greater Nepal Nationalist Front, has gone viral faster than momos disappear at a friends’ get-together. Some folks call Balen sir's move a populist stunt, but others stand with Balen sir. In fact, a Twitter enthusiast even rallied the troops, encouraging everyone to print and hang their very own Greater Nepal maps in their offices. Talk about making a statement!

So, my friends, let's relish this proud Nepali moment, where we assert ourselves both on the map and on Love Island. Cheers to that!

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than a Nepali uncle who claims “Maile ta uile bhanya ho…”. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

  1. A 28-year-old guy named Subas Puri from Jhapa couldn't resist lighting up a cigarette on a flight from South Korea to Kathmandu. The airline officials were quick to snitch on him, and the poor guy was promptly arrested by the police. He's now hanging out at Gaushala Police Sector, awaiting further investigation. Note to self: smoking and flying don't mix, folks!

  2. The winner of Little Angels 2023, a children's beauty pageant, Shritishma Neupane (14), had to give back her tiara after it came to light that her victory in the "Miss Social Media" category was mostly thanks to her dad's sneaky move of buying Facebook likes from some Indian middleman. Anu Ale, the runner-up, was then crowned as the true champion of the event organized by Himalayan Treasure Nepal. Talk about a plot twist in the glamorous world of kiddie pageants!

  3. In a wild turn of events, police had a showdown with an alleged drug peddler near Tribhuvan International Airport. The suspect, Bikram Bhagwat, was caught with 100 grams of heroin. The daring chase involved some unexpected mishaps, including an unfortunate incident involving an officer's testicles. It seems like the drug business is booming in Nepal, with Indian cartels taking advantage of the open borders.

  4. The special court has handed down a verdict in the corruption case involving the construction of a girls' restroom at Ramapur Ward No. 5 Primary School in Siraha district. Headmaster Basant Mandal and the School Management Committee Chairman Rambahros Mandal have been sentenced to six months in the slammer and a hefty fine. The court didn't let Rambahros off the hook either, slapping a fine of 1 lakh 47 thousand rupees on him, even though he's resting in peace. Lesson learned: don't mess with the girls' restroom fund!

Eta Hernus Quiz

Can you guess these Nepali ukhaan-tukkas that have been translated to English?

  1. Lo, the rogue who pilfers holds the loudest voice!

  2. Verily, the unskilled dancer doth accuse the stage of crookedness!

  3. In yonder realm of sightless souls, where darkness doth prevail,

    Doth the single-eyed beholder, in regal splendor, prevail!

  4. Behold, as ebony letters upon parchment tread,

    Resembling buffalo that roam the verdant mead.

  5. Mine aim be true upon yon sturdy log,

    Whilst Fate's cruel axe aims for mine own shin bone!

Eta Pani Hernus

  • A petition has been filed at the Supreme Court demanding the prosecution of Nepal's prime minister, Pushpa Kamal Dahal, and former prime minister Baburam Bhattarai. The petitioners claim these politicians committed war crimes by recruiting child soldiers during the Maoist insurgency. With the court registering the case, opposition lawmakers are already calling for Dahal's resignation.

  • The government's plan to squeeze an extra Rs 57 billion from Ncell just hit a major roadblock. An international tribunal, known for resolving investment disputes, told Nepal to back off from demanding more taxes related to Ncell's 2016 buyout by Malaysian company Axiata. Good news for the government though - they won't have to cough up a hefty Rs 66 billion in compensation to Ncell and Axiata. The tribunal also dropped a hint, saying Nepal should refrain from slapping any additional taxes, fees, penalties, or interests on the deal. Ncell, in a sassy press statement, highlighted that the tribunal warned Nepal against violating the Income Tax Act and the bilateral investment treaty with the UK. The government is kinda scratching its head, with officials claiming they got the message loud and clear, even if it wasn't spelled out explicitly. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court is still mulling over the case, so it looks like the tax tango isn't quite over yet.

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The second one is a lie.)