Post-Summertime Sadness

Namaste! Hope you've survived the summer rollercoaster that was dengue, conjunctivitis, floods, and roads that played "spot the pothole" with your tires. If you tried leaving town, well, let's just say the roads decided to show their true colors. Speaking of roadblocks, spare a thought for the lovebirds in Lalitpur – no romantic strolls in Patan Durbar Square thanks to the ban. But hey, who needs date night when you've got binge-watching, right? As for the government's timing with road projects, well, they must be following some "unique" calendar. And can we just send a memo to Mother Nature? Barkha season isn't the best time for roadworks, apparently.

Now, switching gears to the football field, Manchester United and Chelsea – we need to have a little chat about that season start, folks. We believed, we cheered, and we wondered if we should just switch to watching reruns of cat videos. But don't worry, the season's young – surely, they'll get the memo soon, right? And last but not least, us – your slightly sporadic newsletter crew. We might've skipped the memo about summer breaks, but who needs a tan when you can be glued to your screen, right? Hindsight's 20-20, but we're all about embracing our quirks. So, 12-27 kura chhodera welcome to the latest issue – let's dive in!

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Lalita Niwas Kaanda: Remember the Lalita Niwas kaanda? Essentially, it involves a bunch of politicians and government workers stealing government land. Last week, Nepal Police's Central Investigation Bureau (CIB) busted out an investigation report on this land grab escapade. The CIB has served up a spicy suggestion platter to the district government attorney's office, hinting at around 250 folks – including former Deputy Prime Minister Bijaya Kumar Gachhadar and a lineup of VIPs – for their alleged role in an organized crime and the ultimate sin of forging government documents. We're talking about a land transfer from government to individual hands that sounds more dramatic than a game of Monopoly gone wrong. Former Prime Ministers Baburam Bhattarai and Madhav Kumar Nepal are also making cameos as government witnesses in this legal thriller. And just when you thought reality TV couldn't get any crazier, the CIB has been on a roll with arrests, nabbing more than a dozen and a half folks for their alleged roles in this blockbuster-level scam.

Bhutanese Refugee Kaanda: The Pushpa Kamal Dahal-led government, known for its "unbiased investigation" dance moves, seems to have swapped partners and is now waltzing cheek to cheek with corruption. The recent transfer of top police officers right in the middle of investigating the high-profile Bhutanese refugee scam, has us all wondering if they've joined the "Pro-Corruption Crew." With Nepali Congress President Sher Bahadur Deuba throwing his weight around, it's starting to look like politicians are taking "playing both sides" to a whole new level.

Sun Kaanda: The Nepal Rastra Bank (NRB) just revealed that the seized gold from last month's heist might not be as heavy as it seemed. Turns out, the "golden treasure" included some unexpected loot – motorcycle brake shoes and electric shavers – making us wonder if smugglers are diversifying into auto repair and personal grooming. The plot thickens as the Central Investigation Bureau of Nepal Police steps in, asking the NRB to melt the gold to reveal its true weight, like a real-life treasure hunt with a molten twist.

Not a Kaanda, just 12 results: More than half the students who took the May tests – a staggering 189,711 brainiacs – have aced it with a GPA of 1.6 and above, guaranteeing their spot in the university hall of fame. And while we're at it, 182,926 students didn't quite hit the bullseye, but fear not – the pass rate has leveled up from 48% last year to a cool 51% this year, according to the head honcho at the National Examination Board, Mahashram Sharma. Time to sprinkle some academic magic and rethink the recipe for success?

12 pachi k garne? Get ready to do a double-take, because the Institute of Engineering in Pulchowk is pulling a "two-for-one" deal – on fees, that is! They're floating the idea of doubling their fees, leaving students both scratching their heads and counting their savings. Looks like Nepal might see a rise in students turning into international globetrotters in search of that golden balance between quality education and affordable fees – who knew education would have us packing our bags?

Kaandas are creating a buzz across the country. Affordable avenues for higher education in Nepal are becoming scarcer, and politicians seem to be giving the cold shoulder to the youth who aim to stick around. Meanwhile, even though some say Rabi dai's party lacks a clear, definite ideology, they might have a really good shot in future elections if public frustration keeps climbing.

Tech 

Threads: seems to be on life support these days. Zuck, in a bid to revive it, is rolling out a web app. Will this be the savior Threads needs? Let's wait and watch, but we're not exactly keeping our hopes sky-high.

Balen dai: Scammers are pulling a fast one by streaming old Balen sir videos as live sessions. Folks who fall for it, thinking it's the real deal, are sending gifts. Stay cautious out there, send your monies to us instead!

Fatafat

Stat: The latest National Census report has revealed some eyebrow-raising dance moves in the post-marriage scene. Single women after marriage have kicked up to 7.3 percent in 2021 from a mere 1.5 percent in 2011, while single men are joining in, though not as swiftly. This wild shift is thanks to a mix of factors like longer life expectancy, education, awareness, and women's growing independence, all spicing up the post-wedding groove.

Read: This Psychologist Wants To Vaccinate You Against Fake News (Wired)

Sports

In just over a month since joining Inter Miami, Lionel Messi has unleashed a “soccer” frenzy that's not only revitalized his team but has sent shockwaves through Major League Soccer and beyond. With ten goals in seven games, including a Leagues Cup triumph for Inter Miami (a team that was, well, struggling before his arrival), Messi has soared to new heights, becoming the most decorated player in history with 44 trophies. And the ripple effects of his meteoric rise are undeniable: Apple TV+ subscriptions for MLS Season Pass have doubled, his pink Inter Miami jersey has become a fashion must-have, ticket prices for his matches have skyrocketed, and his Instagram following has surpassed even the giants of NFL, NHL, and MLB. As the world marvels at Messi's genius on the field, he's also laughing all the way to the bank, thanks to his shrewd contract that earns him a slice of the revenue pie from Adidas and Apple. It's not just soccer; it's the Messi phenomenon taking over.

Food

Onlinekhabar has recently published an article listing 11 momo places in Kathmandu that are so delicious they'll make you lick your plates clean. How many of these have you had the pleasure of trying?

1. Narayan Daiko Masangalliko Famous Momo

2. Shandar Momo

3. Ghangri Café (For open momo)

4. Momo Magic

5. Bagmati Sweets

6. New Everest Momo Centre

7. Jazz Upstairs

8. Boso Rahit Momo

9. Bagalamukhi Momo

10. New Swadilo Momo

Our editors would like to include a twelfth option on the list: Penang Momo in Chundevi. Please share with us your preferred momo spot. We accept messages via carrier pigeons and also respond through tweets (oh, our apologies, X).

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than long distance long term situationships. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. In a whimsical twist of international diplomacy, Nepal's tourism minister Sudan Kirati met with the Saudi Arabian envoy and floated the idea of swapping our mountain-fresh water for their oil. Water you thinking, Kirati?

2. The general secretary of the Samaaj Kalyan Parisad snagged her position in the dalit quota, but guess what? Samikhshya Dhungana not actually a dalit – she's a bahun who pulled a sneaky move with a fake citizenship.

3. Seems like someone in Banke took "fake it 'til you make it" a bit too literally! This crafty character raked in fees from over 1,000 hopefuls with his phony Lok Sewa exam notices, even dishing out faux-passes – leaving folks with dreams as deflated as an overcooked momo.

4. A kid who went missing from Biratnagar's Green Cross Hospital has been found, but get this – turns out a doctor actually sold the little one to a childless couple.

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The second one is a lie.)