👀 Sewa nai religion ho

Namaste! Dashain is just peeking around the corner, and we're all set to stuff our faces with delicious khasi. Mother Nature is playing along with sunny skies! But you know what's not so sunny? The religious tensions in our beloved Nepal seem to be on a rollercoaster ride lately. From Dharan dramas to a real nail-biter in Nepalgunj, it's been quite the spectacle. And let's not forget our politicians – they're still treating laws like a bihe ko buffet they can pick and choose from. Meanwhile, Ih sir is taking all the Twitter heat. But fear not, we're here to serve up some of the juicy deets in this newsletter.

La Eta Hernus

Desh

• Bharati Manandhar is making a powerful statement for justice by embarking on a hunger strike in protest of the controversial release of her late husband's assailant, Yog Raj Dhakal, also known as Regal, who received a presidential pardon on Constitution Day. She's declared, "I won't go home until justice is achieved. I'm ready to sacrifice my life for this cause." Despite Dhakal's previous conviction in the Banke District Court for her husband's death, Bharati is now not only on a hunger strike until justice is served but has also taken legal action to challenge the president's decision to pardon Dhakal, showcasing her unwavering determination in the fight for justice.

  Yograj "Regal" Dhakal had been serving a life sentence for his involvement in the murder of Chetan Manandhar in broad daylight. Notably, Dhakal is associated with Nepal Tarun Dal, the youth wing of the Nepali Congress, and it's worth mentioning that the president himself belongs to the same political party (hait). His release was celebrated by supporters of the Nepali Congress, who took to the streets to welcome him. This political alignment between Dhakal and the ruling party adds an intriguing layer of complexity to the ongoing public discourse surrounding his release, further fueling discussions and emotions among the citizens. (Read: What the actual f**k?).

• Despite initial tensions between Hindus and Muslims in Nepalgunj, officials have reported a peaceful night following a lockdown and increased security measures. The conflict began when a Hindu boy's social media post sparked protests by Muslims, leading to street disruptions and minor injuries. An indefinite curfew has been in place since Tuesday afternoon, preventing gatherings and maintaining order, as authorities aim to prevent further clashes in this typically harmonious region.

Tech 

• Elon Musk's handpicked CEO for X, Linda Yaccarino, recently had a bit of a "whoopsie" moment during an interview with CNBC's Julia Boorstin at Vox Media's Code 2023 event. Amidst the viral chaos, Yaccarino revealed some surprising stats that aren't exactly high-fiving material for X, formerly known as Twitter. Turns out, they've been shedding daily active users like a cat sheds fur! Under Musk's rule, they've gone from 254.5 million daily users to 225 million, and even after some creative counting, they're still down. In other news, Musk has invented his own metric called "unregretted user minutes" – because why not?

• After 25 years of stuffing red envelopes, Netflix is bidding farewell to its DVD delivery service with a touch of nostalgia and a dash of cost-cutting humor. It's the end of an era, but let's not forget that Netflix's journey to streaming stardom began with those shiny silver discs, starting with Beetlejuice in 1998. From transforming Blockbuster busts to becoming the fifth-largest USPS customer, DVDs played a pivotal role.

Fatafat

Stat: Nepal's economy faces a challenging landscape marked by slow growth, rising inflation, and a lack of confidence from both private sector and foreign investors. Experts are skeptical about the government's target of 3.9 percent economic growth for the current fiscal year, citing multiple risks and ongoing issues like corruption and erratic policy changes that continue to hinder progress in the country.

Another stat/Quiz: Half of the individuals who passed the loksewa exam for branch officers hail from seven districts in Nepal. Can you guess which districts?

(Answer: They are Gulmi, Syangja (duh!), Dailekh, Parbat, Jhapa, Morang, Arghakhaanchi, and Rukum.)

Furthermore, 94% of these successful candidates are men and a whopping 93% of them are Brahmin/Chhetri. Some pointed out that 93% is undeniably a substantial number - no kidding! While many Brahmin/Chhetris defended their achievements with tales of hard work and deep fried memes, 93%? Seriously, folks!

Watch: Introducing our very own cooking reality chow, Chef Nepal! Now, we'll admit, it might be slightly cringe, and we've seen TikToks from "paraaaaa" bro with better sound editing skills, but guess what? It's our cringe, and we're proud of it. We might have even shed a tear writing that. So go ahead and watch it for the amazing housewives who are showing off their culinary superpowers!

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra

Sports

• Nepali women are creating a buzz in women's kabaddi at the 19th Asian Games! They've locked in a spot in the semi-finals, securing themselves at least a bronze medal. This is Nepal's first-ever appearance in women's kabaddi at the Asian Games, and they're letting everyone know they mean business and are ready to make their nation proud. Don't miss out on seeing how they do in the semi-finals against the Group A champion! Group A includes India, Thailand, Chinese Taipei, and South Korea.

• Nepal took on cricket giants India in their first-ever T20I showdown and, well, let's just say it was like a David vs. Goliath match-up! They gave it their all but ended up with a 23-run defeat in the Asian Games quarter-finals, held in Hangzhou, China. Dipendra Singh Airee smashed some sixes, and Kushal Malla gave it his best shot, but India came out on top.

  Nobody saw Nepal beating India coming, but hey, they put on quite a show, and we're all bursting with pride! (Side note: We still have a guy accused of rape in the team, and his court dates keep getting conviniently postponed.)

  Now, onto the big dilemma. Social media exploded over a pic of a Nepali player's broken bat. Seriously, are we so broke that we can't even afford kits for our national team? These are the guys with the highest odds of international success, well, apart from our legendary elephant polo team.

  

  The kicker? After our last match with India, Lalit Rajbanshi spilled the beans in an interview, confessing he didn't even have his own bat and borrowed from teammates. Twitter uncles started chanting, "I'm buying that man a bat!" Bless their generous hearts, but guys, you need a bat for EACH game. Billionaire Anupam Mittal from India even joined the party. Nice gestures, but is this really us as a nation? Share your thoughts in our Instagram DMs, folks.

Bidesh Tira Hernus

• Sikkim's largest hydro power project, Sikkim Urja (formerly Teesta Urja), faced significant damage during a recent flash flood. The dam and the bridge connecting the powerhouse were swept away in just ten minutes, leaving the entire powerhouse submerged. This 1,200 MW project, which had recently started turning a profit, now faces the daunting task of rebuilding, with losses estimated in the thousands of crores. The flood has also affected several districts in Sikkim, prompting a flood alert in neighboring areas.

• History was made in the USA as House Speaker Kevin McCarthy got voted off the island by his own party after an unexpected alliance with Democrats to avoid a government shutdown. With McCarthy out of the picture and no clear roadmap, House Republicans are now on a scavenger hunt for a new leader.

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news briefs are real, and one is faker than the uncle who goes “ma pani college ma topper thiye!” Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. Things got a bit rowdy at Mahendra Lila Secondary School in Gorkha when a bunch of students decided to throw a little impromptu wrestling match. Teacher Dhurba Pokharel, our unsuspecting hero, jumped into the ring and showed off his "slap-tastic" moves, giving a few kids a taste of the slap life. Unfortunately, 11-year-old Abjan Miya took one for the team and ended up with a burst eardrum.

2. In a classic case of "you snooze, you lose," a guy in Bhaktapur lent his buddy 5 lakh rupees, and after two long years of waiting, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He literally picked up his friend's wife like she was a Dashain ko khasi and whisked her away in a taxi to Bode, Bhaktapur. With a phone call that had 'bad sitcom plot' written all over it, he told his friend, "Bring 5 lakhs and take your wife home with you."

3. Kumar Acharya from the land revenue office is making headlines! He decided to play a real-life game of "land monopoly" by transferring land from Gautam Buddha International Airport to citizens. When asked about it, he just casually replied, "I just gave it back to its previous owners, no biggie!" Looks like we've got a land redistribution Robinhood on our hands!

4. The Nepali Liverpool Supporters Club, die-hard fans of the Premier League giants Liverpool, have fired off a proper letter to the Premier League bosses. Why, you ask? Well, they're demanding a redo of the Tottenham vs. Liverpool showdown because they reckon Luis Diaz got a raw deal with that offside call on his goal. Looks like the Liverpool love knows no bounds, even across the globe!

Eta Pani Hernus

• Tragic news from Bajhang as an earthquake claims the life of Gunamati Dhami, a 40-year-old resident of Jayaprithvi municipality-11, Okhal. The quake also left 11 people injured, with two already back home after treatment, while nine receive care at the district hospital. Reports confirm significant damage to 135 structures, including 60 houses in Thalara and 41 in Jayaprithvi municipality. Local authorities are actively responding to the situation.

• Guess who's finally in hot water after a 27-year "cold" case? Duane "Keffe D" Davis, a longtime suspect in Tupac Shakur's murder, has been nabbed. Turns out, he might've ordered the hit to avenge his nephew's brawl with the rap icon. Tupac's legacy lives on, though, from platinum records to holograms at Coachella – he's still got the world's attention!

• The CIAA has taken action against nine individuals, including high-ranking officials like the Nepal Telecom managing director and former government secretary, over allegations of corruption related to the purchase of the national payment gateway, which has remained unused since its acquisition six years ago. The case revolves around the improper use of government funds, totaling a staggering Rs 250 million, without the necessary infrastructure preparations. The CIAA aims to recover misappropriated amounts exceeding Rs 232 million from some of the accused, highlighting the urgency of addressing this issue.

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The last one is a lie.)