👀 Tortured Poets Department

Namaste! Happy New Year, folks! We hope you're all doing well and that our April Fool's issue didn't catch too many of you off-guard. This month, Sunatala has been declared the national fruit, leaving us scratching our heads—why exactly do we need a national fruit, and what perks does Sunatala even get from this title? Is it just a ceremonial title, like Miss Tokha SEE 2076? And speaking of names, we've noticed aama samuhas renaming our Nepali tole names to stuff like Small Heaven Tole and Peace Garden Tole. Why the change? So many questions! Anyway, here’s the latest scoop from around Nepal.

La Eta Hernus

Desh

Rabi dai!: Our very own Rabi dai, with his sahakari case looming large, is back in the headlines. Remember, Rabi dai allegedly pocketed 2 crores from a cooperative, with his former boss GB Rai from Galaxy TV also tangled in the scam. Last month, Kantipur reported that police investigations have found Rabi dai guilty, but hey, he’s not in jail—perks of being the home minister, right? In response, Rabi dai hit back on Twitter with a lengthy post claiming, "Someone else took that loan out on my behalf, signed for me, and everything." People were like, "That sounds super sketchy!" RaSwaPa supporters are shouting about a Kantipur conspiracy against our Rabi dai. And just when you thought it couldn’t get messier, The Kathmandu Post reported that Rabi dai has reached out to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, wanting to chat with his Malaysian counterpart, Saifuddin Nasution Ismail, about GB Rai—who’s believed to be in Malaysia and is a main suspect in the embezzlement saga. It’s all looking pretty dodgy, isn’t it?

More on sahakari, it was reported today that Hamro Naya Krishi Sahakari, which involves Energy Minister Shakti Basnet (Maoist) and Labor Minister DP Aryal (RaSwaPa), has misused funds worth 11 arba from its members. Are all politicians dipping into sahakari money? Have you lost any money in one of these sahakaris? Shouldn't Rabi dai just do his job as the home minister and let an investigation unfold? What’s your take? Slide into our DMs with all the tea.

More RaSwaPa: Rabi dai isn't the only RaSwaPa leader who's been in the news over the past couple of weeks. Sumana Shrestha, the girlboss education minister, first popped into the news when a video of her doing her own dishes went viral. Supporters exclaimed how down-to-earth she is, while other party workers claimed it was a publicity stunt. A few days later, another picture went viral showing Sumana Shrestha wearing a shirt that was torn but had been stitched back together. Where do people find the time? Do parties pay folks to spread these pics and comments? How can we get involved? (Seriously though, we're running low on funds). Anyways, all that hoo-ha aside, which none of which is really important, Sumana Shrestha tweeted her GitHub account where she coded stuff to automate exam centers for students (rather than doing it manually). Among all these controversies, it’s a welcome effort, but we're surprised that, having been a stalwart raising questions about policies for ages, it's a GitHub account that takes to win people's hearts. Anyway, credit where credit is due. This is a welcome change in Nepali politics.

Ilam: There are by-elections happening in Ilam. All the politicians are there. Ilam hasn't seen this much traffic since that Tokla tea ad crew brought 45 people there. We don't have any hot takes yet, but if anything juicy happens, we'll keep you posted.

Mainstream politics: Just gave you the lowdown on alternative politics to amp up your cred at those vape sessions with pals—yep, you'll be the brainy one! Meanwhile, back in the mainstream, Prachanda, Nepal's poster uncle for traditional politics, finds himself in hot water with allegations from the new tell-all book, "Cuckooland," accusing him of corruption linked to telecom scandals, alongside the usual suspect Ajay Sumargi and ex-king Gyanendra's son-in-law. We haven't flipped through the book ourselves, just whispering what the grapevine (aka other journalists) says—so don't quote us on that!

In other news about Prachanda, he recently inaugurated the Nagdhunga tunnel, a pivotal project connecting Dhading and Kathmandu. This first-ever tunnel in Nepal, measuring 2.6 km, is set to reduce the distance on the Prithvi Highway by 5 kilometers, thanks to a substantial investment of 16 billion rupees from JICA, supplemented by local funds. However, it wasn't the tunnel itself but the lavish setup inside—for Prachanda and his daughter during the festivities—that grabbed headlines. They even brought in a brand new couch, sparking debates about its necessity. Surung ma couch kina lagchan k hait.

Chauchau Chaudhary: So, Nirvana Chaudhary, our very own prince of the Chaudhary empire (and yes, our sole billionaire family), took to Twitter last week to announce Wai Wai's upcoming IPO. Anil Keshary Sir was all jazzed up, no surprise there. Honestly, the news might have flown under the radar had it not been for the super "yassified" Wai Wai pic that totally looked like Olive Garden spaghetti (and for those outside the U.S., imagine the Burger House version of Italian food in America). Things got even spicier when eagle-eyed netizens spotted the original image on some obscure website—yep, it was just a rookie designer's quick crop job. Cue the memes, the shares, and a whole lot of laughs. No one really hit subscribe, but Prince Chaudhary—or maybe the intern running his social media—wasn't having any of it. He went on a blocking frenzy, zapping everyone in sight, even the die-hard Wai Wai fans and their supportive tweets. For a real chuckle, go check out the tweet and its replies (note: we had to make a new account just to peek again since we got blocked too).

Maybe our prince should focus a bit more on paying those electric bills rather than getting zapped by every little Twitter skirmish, eh?

Tech 

Amazon spying: In what sounds like a plot ripped from a Mission Impossible movie, Amazon reportedly went full undercover agent mode—not to save the world, but to sneakily scoop up the deets on its retail and logistics rivals. Dubbed "Project Curiosity," and later the less spy-thriller-sounding "Small Business Insights," this caper involved burner emails, a shell company, and Amazon folks crashing a competitors' conference, all in the name of "research." According to the Wall Street Journal, while Amazon played it cool claiming they were just doing typical competitor sleuthing, the lengths they went to—like creating a whole company that was actually losing money—might have been a bit over the top. So next time you're checking out those late-night shopping carts, remember, it's not just spies who have secrets!

Bitcoin!: Last week was happy "halving" day for everyone explaining Bitcoin to their grandparents! This event, hardwired into Bitcoin’s code by its enigmatic creator, Satoshi Nakamoto, slashes the number of new coins issued in half every four years to boost its value and combat inflation. While past halvings have historically led to price surges, the actual impact often feels more hyped than transformative, like making big plans for a weekend that doesn't quite live up to the glossy photos. As for Bitcoin miners, they're bracing for a big hit—post-halving, their rewards per transaction will be cut significantly, especially challenging the smaller outfits. Here's to seeing whether this cycle’s cut deepens the pockets of a few or leaves many out in the cold.

Reading List

1. The Musicians Who Energized a Revolution in Nepal (Muna Gurung, aperture)

   Prasiit Sthapit’s photographs show how musicians—as both instigators and healers—influenced an insurrection that shook the country.

2. This delivery app takes away health insurance when workers don’t meet quotas (Varsha Bansal, restofworld)

   Rest of World spoke with 40 riders for Swiggy in India. Many described losing coverage when they needed help the most.

3. Ethnic Nepali political prisoners in Bhutan await justice after decades behind bars (Bibek Bhandari, South China Morning Post)

   At least dozens of political prisoners are still being held in Bhutan’s jails, according to human rights organisations. Bhutan began evicting its ethnic Nepalis after it introduced a ‘one nation, one people’ policy in 1989, with many fleeing to Nepal.

4. Why India’s South Rejects Modi — And Why It Matters (Andy Mukherjee, Bloomberg)

   The more progressive and successful part of the country is drifting away from the poverty-ridden north and its majoritarian leader.

Kahi Nabhako Jaatra.

Sports

Aireeee: Dipendra Singh Airee is tearing up the charts, rocketing towards the top 10 T20I all-rounders after his six-sixes show against Qatar, joining legends like Yuvraj Singh and Kieron Pollard in the cricket history books. His unbeaten 64 in the ACC Men's T20I Premier Cup not only sealed a comfy 32-run victory for Nepal but also catapulted him up the rankings—he’s now knocking on the door of the top 10 all-rounders and made a massive leap in the batter rankings too. Teammate Aasif Sheikh is also climbing the charts, hitting new career highs after a string of solid scores. Keep an eye on these guys; they’re turning up the heat for Nepal on the cricket field!

Leotards: Nike's latest uniforms for the U.S. women’s track team have sprinted into controversy ahead of the Paris Olympics. The outfit in question? A high-cut leotard that leaves little to the imagination and has athletes cracking jokes and raising eyebrows on social media. One Instagram comment reads, “Men's sports always get more coverage!” Nike insists these designs were athlete-informed for peak performance, but the jury—aka the athletes themselves—might still be out on that claim.

Three news briefs and a lie

Three of these news headlines are real, and one is faker than all political parties suddenly caring about Ilam. Can you spot the odd one out? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer).

1. मधेस प्रदेशमा पदस्थापन गरेपछि मन्त्रालयमै डाको छोडेर रोए उपसचिव

2. ओली बास बसेकै होटलको उधारो तिरेन एमालेले

3. कोशीमा मुख्यमन्त्रीकी छोरीलाई कम्प्युटर अपरेटरको नियुक्ति

4. मोरङमा किशोरी हत्या गर्ने पूर्वप्रहरीको बयान : अर्कैलाई मार्न खोजेको थिएँ, उनलाई मारेछु

Eta Hernus Quiz

Zoomers: गुलेली भनेको के हो?
Boomers/Millennials: गुलेली समाउन प्रयोग गरिने काठ लाइ के भनिन्छ ?

Worst of Twitter/Switter

Proud Gorkhali Moment

Eta Pani Hernus

In a somber twist to political protests, Thakur Prasad Dangi, a supporter of the Rastriya Prajantra Party (RPP), tragically died from complications related to tear gas exposure during a rally in Kathmandu. Dangi was advocating for the restoration of the monarchy and a Hindu state when the incident occurred, adding a poignant layer to the already heated debates. His passing early Monday at Military Hospital highlights the grave stakes of political activism.

A request

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(Answer to three newsbriefs and a lie: The third one is a lie, his saali got the niyukti, not his daughter. Answer to Eta hernus Quiz: It’s called कापे )

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